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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25562368">a bed big enough to sleep in</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/goinghost/pseuds/ghostly_wail'>ghostly_wail (goinghost)</a>, <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/goinghost/pseuds/goinghost'>goinghost</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>a complete list of fears - vesbud [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Penumbra Podcast</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Buddy and Vespa invented romance, Buddy voicing some uncharacteristic insecurities, Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Just a whole lot of lesbianism present, Vespa attempting optimism for once in her life</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 12:27:27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,586</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25562368</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/goinghost/pseuds/ghostly_wail, https://archiveofourown.org/users/goinghost/pseuds/goinghost</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Buddy Aurinko had unfortunately been borrowing trouble since the day she was born, but usually she managed to pawn it off to the highest bidder before it affected her sleep schedule. </p><p>--</p><p>Buddy can't sleep. Vespa attempts comfort. Women really do love women, huh.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Buddy Aurinko/Vespa</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>a complete list of fears - vesbud [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1852423</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>46</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>a bed big enough to sleep in</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>a companion fic to "these days mainly losing you", which is the first fic in this probably-only-two-fic series. i figured i'd written about buddy comforting vespa so that it was only fair to write the other way around! i really showed my entire lesbian ass in this one, folks. my roommate beta'd it for me and said, out loud while reading, "this is so lesbian!" and i went "uh yeah, i sure hope it does" if that let's you know how this experience is gonna go</p><p>title from 'a complete list of fears ages 5-28 (approx)' by the yellow dress! </p><p>i don't think there are any content warnings necessary but if y'all catch anything let me know in the comments and i'll add a warning!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Buddy couldn’t sleep. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was the night before her and Vespa’s next big heist. The planet of the week was Balder, a world on the small side of the Outer Rim. They were hitting the miles-high bank towers that housed some of the wealthiest fortunes this side of the galaxy. It wasn’t any different than any other heist they’d done before. In fact, this one was relatively straightforward. They wouldn’t even be mucking around with fake identities this time; it was a standard cat burglary of a few million creds straight from under the noses of the rich. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The fact that this was like anything they’d done before—perhaps even easier than usual—did nothing to quell Buddy’s nerves. And Buddy Aurinko was not one to get nerves, so to speak. Yes, there was always the anxious part of her that wondered which of her adventures would be her last, but that part was usually quieted by the airtight schemes and intricate scripts she created for every occasion. A lifestyle of preparation had assured Buddy that her bucket had remained thoroughly unkicked up until this point so there was no use in thinking about the possibility of death when crises of faith in herself could lead to damning mistakes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tonight was different. Tonight, for some odd reason, she couldn’t help but think of what Vespa had said weeks ago as they’d curled together in bed. She’d talked about her bad feeling, about them being separated, about everything they’d built coming apart unexpectedly. And Buddy had laughed it off until she couldn’t. She’d promised they’d meet at the lighthouse, hadn’t she? If things went wrong? </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>They haven’t gone wrong just yet</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she tried to tell herself. </span>
  <em>
    <span>No sense borrowing trouble</span>
  </em>
  <span>. But every time she closed her eyes and made an effort to sleep, the glow of the lighthouse would flash in her mind, the radiation-leaking sunset fading in the background. Vespa’s words—her bad feeling—echoed in the silence of their small ship. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buddy Aurinko had been borrowing trouble since the day she was born, but usually she managed to pawn it off to the highest bidder before it affected her sleep schedule. Now she lay in the dead of night, restless before something as routine as a bank robbery. She looked over at Vespa’s sleeping form and tried to imagine what she’d say if she were awake. Probably something to do with it being a bad sign, that they needed to cancel the con and fly straight to the Cerberus Province before the earnings from their last job ran out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>No, there was no point in waking her Vespa up when she was just going to worry. This restlessness would pass as all things did eventually. Soon she’d be overtaken with the excitement of a heist in need of completing, and then a heist in progress, and then another successful notch on the belt of the two greatest criminals the Outer Rim had ever seen. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>All she needed to do was stop inanely worrying about things that hadn’t happened yet. No more borrowing trouble, Buddy Aurinko. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When she finally managed to sleep, she dreamt of running so far away  that she would never be found again. It was not her first nightmare and it would not be her last. </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>Buddy couldn’t sleep. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was strange, the Carte Blanche was technically a new ship to her, an unfamiliar ship, yet for the past few weeks she’d felt at home within its walls in a way she hadn’t in years. Maybe it was the assurance of a carefully crafted plan falling into place, or maybe it was the fact that the love of her life was beside her for the first time in so long, but whatever the case may be Buddy felt safe on the ship. Happy. At peace. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But tonight, the night after the first successful heist in a line of successful heists leading to the Curemother Prime, Buddy Aurinko found herself wide awake and sitting up in her and Vespa’s shared bed. Perhaps the unconventional way the heist panned out had her shaking residual nerves off. She could see no other explanation for the way her chest tightened at the thought of closing her eyes now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buddy watched Vespa beside her. She was a very quiet sleeper. Buddy used to joke that it was the first thing they taught you in assassin school, how to look as if you’re a dead body while resting. If not for the minute rise and fall of her chest, Buddy would barely know Vespa was still among the living. This quirk of hers did little to calm Buddy’s nerves. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Absently, she reached a hand out and brushed a piece of green hair across Vespa’s forehead. My, she was beautiful with her face lax with sleep. She was beautiful always, even and especially when her brows were furrowed or her lips snarled or her eyes squinted in a smile, but here, barefaced in the most vulnerable sense, Buddy could stare at her for hours. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Assassin as she was, Vespa was also a very light sleeper. She blinked rapidly at Buddy’s touch and tensed up before realizing that it was just her partner.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bud…” she rasped, voice rough and cracked with tiredness.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Go back to sleep, darling,” Buddy whispered, still playing with a lock of Vespa’s hair. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Vespa huffed, stubborn in all the ways Buddy loved. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. Why’re you awake? Something wrong?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh no, nothing you need to worry yourself over.” She reached down and squeezed Vespa’s hand, “Just some trouble sleeping.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Vespa shouldered her way up the headboard until she was eye level with Buddy. She looked significantly more awake than she had a few seconds ago.</span>
</p><p>
  <span> “Bud, you sleep like a baby most nights. Something’s going on.” She twined their fingers together where Buddy had grabbed her hand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like I’ve told you, I just found myself unable to sleep. Nothing drastic, just a bit of insomnia. It will pass soon and then we’ll both be dreaming together.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, but why can’t you sleep?” Vespa asked, “C’mon you’ve kept me company whenever my head is too loud, the least I can do is return the favor.” Her voice was soft in a way Vespa rarely ever sounded for anyone else. This voice was just for Buddy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buddy found herself unable to deny Vespa’s request to talk for a third time, and so she said, “Sometimes I wonder if this plan of mine will work.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Vespa blinked. Clearly she hadn’t been expecting those particular words to come out of Buddy’s mouth. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course it’ll work,” she said, confidence resonating with every word. “It’s one of your plans.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That,” Buddy said, “is exactly what I thought about my deal with Rasbach. That is what I thought about our heist on Balder. And look how terribly those two instances went.” She shook her head as if to clear her thoughts like she’d seen Vespa do so many times. “I worry that the borrowed time I’ve been living on is finally running out, and I don’t have the chops left in me to borrow any more.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Buddy…” Vespa looked as if she were considering her words carefully. It was difficult for most people to see past Vespa’s spiky exterior, but she was prone to contemplative silence by nature. Buddy loved that side of her as she loved all sides of Vespa Ilkay, wholly and with wild abandon. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look. Do I know if this plan will work out and we’ll come out the other side with the Curemother Prime in tow? No, because how the hell would I know that? But given your track record with plans to destroy corporate greed I’d say there’s a good shot that it will.” Vespa flexed her fingers in Buddy’s. She looked out of her element, usually it was her doom spiralling that needed comforting. But she was trying to take a ride on the optimistic side for Buddy and Buddy loved her more for it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anyway,” Vespa scowled briefly, “If anything’s gonna go wrong, I’d say we can safely blame it on Steel or Ransom doing something stupid and making a mess, probably dragging Rita along with them. And then our only job will be to pick up the pieces,” she tried for a comforting smile, “but it won’t be your fault either way. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buddy gave a quiet laugh and said, “Thank you, dear. I was beginning to think you’d strained yourself with the positivity.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, yeah,” Vespa groaned. She lowered herself back onto her pillow. “Did it...help?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buddy thought for a second. Hearing Vespa, who made a nasty habit of imagining every worst case scenario, try to rationalize optimism to help Buddy feel better had quieted some of the louder parts of her troubled head. And her eyelids were finally starting to feel heavy after hours of being sat up and awake. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, I think it did,” she said, smiling. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well good. I like being there for you, Bud.” Vespa yawned. “Now let’s go to sleep.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course,” Buddy shuffled her way back down onto the mattress with her head on her pillow. She winked at Vespa, “We’ve got a long day of being intergalactic criminals tomorrow.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They lay together for a few more minutes before Vespa’s breathing went long and soft. Buddy stared at her just a bit, reminiscing on how lucky she felt, before her eyes dropped closed and her breath evened out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That night, she dreamt of running towards something instead of away. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>find me yelling about women on <a href="https://twitter.com/GHOSTZVNE">twitter</a></p><p>kudos and comments make my entire day and frankly i could use some good news rn so feel free to leave some!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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